Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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