this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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