You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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