There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
