Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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