apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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