In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
