I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
