I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
