the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
