he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
