So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
