Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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