Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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