There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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