On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
that's an acceptable place to lick
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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