Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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