Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
