sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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