i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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