Your face is a jimmy john
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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