On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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