my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
