Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
