I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
