You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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