Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
