We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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