He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
