Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
