he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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