He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
