Swine flu. Run for my life!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
