I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
