I got chris browned last night
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
