i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
