If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
