Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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