at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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