Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it was like eating out sand paper
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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