remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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