i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
