you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
