He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
