walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
