Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
