and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
