her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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