Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
