Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
