I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Help. Why am I so naked?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
